Stuff...

...that no one will probably care about but me. That I shall share anyway. I never really put too much thought into it but just recently, I figured that being shy isn't tantamount to being a sick ass dependent person. This, I found out through my course of being unemployed for almost two months. BS aside, being a bum was the greatest thing that ever happened to my stressed-like-hell state at that time. It allowed me to recuperate and get my creative juices flowing again. It also opened up a lot of possibilities: meet friends at any given time, sleep late, wake up later, watch TV, read, think of stories and concepts for my play, do freelance work...it was quite refreshing for the zombie I have become.  

First night of Eyeball

Because I personally want to broaden my knowledge in Playwriting and Plays in general, I am always on the lookout for shows in CCP. I'm used to dragging my friend Mark into watching with me and most of the time, he gladly obliges. We watched two out of four plays, and because I felt that he did not like it so much, I watched the third and fourth installments all by myself. I was confident in going alone mostly because the lights were dimmed and I wouldn't chance upon someone I know, thus, no small talk (I'm an awkward person so small talk makes me cringe!). For a shy person like me, watching and finishing the play alone was fun, liberating, and gave me a different kind of high. 

Taken after the show: props for Bakit Wala Nang Nagtatagpo sa Philcoa Oberpas

Having come from a successful alone time, I tried to take it a notch higher by going to an interactive play where crowd participation was welcome. Unlike before, the play wasn't in a dimly lit area and viewers had to go around the grounds in groups (and I had none!) to witness the show. While I mustered the courage to go to the venue to watch alone, I chickened out when I found out how the set-up was and went home. I consoled myself by assuring that I was brave enough to watch alone, and that, maybe next time, I'll feel differently about it.

As Pasinaya volunteers, we got to watch some shows for free! (That's Lourd de Veyra's performance)

My "AHA!" moment though, happened at a festival held in CCP where I enlisted as a volunteer. ALL. BY. MYSELF. I am so gutsy and ballsy and idealistic when it comes to these kind of things, but when the day comes, I start thinking otherwise.So there I was, working my way through throngs of people exercising in the CCP complex, basking in the Sunday sunrise, and getting ready to volunteer, even if I didn't attend any orientation whatsoever. I entered the building and asked around but for some reason, I felt the urge to just have breakfast elsewhere and go back home and sleep (our call time was at 6AM!). To convince myself that chickening out wasn't an option, I surveyed the place to look for fellow volunteers but found myself outside the building and ready to scat! I swear, it was like the worst case schizophrenic scenario because as I was outside and ready to leave, I stopped, stood still, and thought about my "quitting" for at least 15 minutes or so, deliberating as to whether or not I'll leave or stay. After thinking about it, I went back inside again where I met the rest of the volunteers, made new friends, and enjoyed my decision to stay. 

From sunrise to sunset

Long story short, going out of your comfort zone isn't easy but it can damn right make you feel really good!